You're entitled to whatever feelings come up. You may experience intense anger, guilt, denial, sorrow, and fear, all of which are normal for a bereaved parent. Nothing is off the table, nothing is wrong. If the urge to cry comes up, just do it. Give yourself permission to feel. Keeping your emotions bottled up is just way too hard. If you keep your emotions inside, you'll only make yourself feel worse about the saddest thing you have ever experienced. It's perfectly natural and even healthy to let yourself feel everything you can about this loss, because this will put you on the path to accepting it. You won't ever fully be able to get over it, but you'll be able to build the strength to deal with the death of your child. If you don't embrace your feelings, you won't be able to move forward.