How to Stay Safe on Dating Apps


Online dating has come a long way since the days of Match.com about 10 years ago. Not only are there more people on dating sites and apps but there are many more options available to users based on age, location, religious backgrounds and lifestyles. The days of usernames on dating sites is quickly fading. Divulging hometowns, neighborhood residences, colleges attended, Instagram handles and daily routines can easily provide creeps, thieves and scammers with the information needed to know much more about you than you ever intended. This coupled with the amount of data shared on dating profiles, the introduction of reverse image searches and data from other social media sites can lead to greater exposure for stalking, scamming, embarrassment and identity theft. Here are some tips to help protect your identity, safety and reputation while online dating.

Part 1

 on How to Stay Safe on Dating Apps

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People are sharing more photos than ever before and often times the privacy settings can be tricky to manage or keep at intended levels. Photos can reveal a lot of information, more than you could ever know. Facebook and Instagram are the two platforms that come to mind as the biggest culprits for unintended exposure. Scammers have been known to download photos from Facebook and Instagram and take on the user’s identity to create a dating profile. Don’t make your photos nor profiles public as this information contains hometown information, colleges attended and birthdays (think public posts on walls, birthday postings on Instagram etc.). Photos are the first things scammers look for when creating a dating profile and often times when enough information is gathered, they can then lookup additional information on LinkedIn to build an exhaustive profile. Do a reverse image search of your public photos to see where they turn up and adjust your privacy settings on Facebook and Instagram to hide photos, posts and demographic data.

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Do you check into Barry’s Bootcamp on Yelp/Foursquare every Monday at 8am? Do you constantly post gym selfies at your Zumba class? Do you post photos from the view of your porch or window? Do you reference going to the Fort Mason farmers market every Sunday? These innocent pieces of information reveal your routines i.e. where you are likely to be found and when you are likely not to be home. Thieves can use this to break into your home. Creeps can identify your routines and follow you home from work, gym or grocery stores. There is nothing wrong with expressing your hobbies but limit the audience, detail or timing of such posts, check-ins and photos. Also, take off your work ID badges when not at the office. It is easy to view them on the bus, waiting in line at lunch or at the bar during happy hour.

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Dating apps are notorious for requesting a significant amount of information from user’s to fill out a profile. While I believe not listing enough information on your profile can hurt your chances for success (i.e. too few photos, not enough biographical data) there is such a thing as TMI (too much information) displayed on dating profiles. When listing hometown, you don’t have to list the exact town you grew up in, a general area is suffice. This makes it easier to protect your identity (think password reminder questions – see below). Your exact job title and company is not necessary when filling out your profile for Bumble (use more generic terms i.e. product marketer at ed-tech company or analyst at financial services firm). Apps/sites like Bumble are the most vulnerable as people are more than willing to supply this info via LinkedIn. Do not use your Linkedin headshot as one of your dating photos. All dating profile photos should be found via a Google search, they should be private. With respect to names, don’t use an initial or screen name, just change the spelling of your name to make it harder to find you online. If you come across someone who lists their Instagram handle or website, assume they are super vain, trying to solicit followers or are fake accounts. Don’t leave your dating profile blank or incomplete but also do not list every detail to a ‘T’. On password recovery and reminder questions it can be figured out with enough information. Dog’s name on Instagram? Nickname on Yelp? Place of birth? Favorite activity? High School name or mascot on Facebook? Favorite color? Most of this information does not need to be displayed online anywhere. A favorite color is not going to get you closer to getting a date nor finding your soul mate. Take the time to think of such password reset questions you have been asked and then think about where this information might be displayed so you can take the necessary steps to hide or limit visibility.

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If you are lucky, there is no chemistry and you part ways. Worse case scenario, you meet someone who is controlling, obsessive and creepy. Protect yourself while going on those early dates. Meet at a public location (let someone know where you will be and when), take a cab home or have plans to meet up with a friend afterward, check in with a friend 20 minutes into your date to confirm your whereabouts. If you have reason to suspect a date is not trustworthy, minimize your exposure to having said date follow you home. If you don’t feel comfortable telling someone in person on the first date that you are not interested in him/her, then do so via the app that night, next morning. Ghosting is frowned upon unless there is a significant concern for your safety. Back in the days of Match.com, it was quite common to exchange emails or phone numbers to communicate after matching. With the proliferation of apps, unlimited data plans and free wifi, communication is not they hurdle it once was. There is no need to exchange phone numbers or personal contact info with someone before the first date. Most people would view this as a safety precaution vs some weird social behavior. Lastly, just because you have exchanged some witty banter and know a few pieces of information about a user, doesn’t mean you should let your guard down. Use good judgment, don’t leave your drink alone with your date when you go to the restroom (basically use the same judgment you would if you meet someone offline – online is no different).

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Don’t post any photos of yourself you wouldn’t want your family, friends or employers to see. Don’t share any private or explicit photos with people via text, email etc. Once photos enter the electronic domain, it becomes easier to hack, copy, screenshot, share and edit. Do yourself a favor and review everything on your profile and devices. Do not engage in any video chats that are sexual in nature.